You Can't Gratitude Your Way Out of Feeling

This morning, on a walk to an art class with one of my littles, I was listening to an episode of the Good Mourning podcast. Their guest shared a phrase that felt like they had given words to a truth I've been trying to convey for so long: "You can't gratitude your way out of feeling."

While gratitude is an incredible practice, one that has helped me and countless others find joy and perspective, it cannot replace the need to feel, process, and address the emotions that organically arise.

We live in a culture that often encourages us to "look on the bright side" or "find the silver lining," and while those practices have their place, they can sometimes leave us feeling like we need to push away our pain or discomfort. You owe it to your wellbeing for your emotions to be felt and heard. When we suppress them, they tend to linger, showing up in ways that can keep us stuck.

I’ll admit, this is something I’m still working on myself. There are days when I catch myself trying to "gratitude" my way out of uncomfortable emotions. If I'm being totally honest and vulnerable, today has been one of those days; suppressing emotions, feeling the tears coming and pushing them back just to get through the day. I’ve realized is that when I skip over these feelings, they have a way of resurfacing later—often more loudly than before. It’s a practice, one I return to again and again: pausing, feeling, and then finding gratitude as part of the process.

So how can we strike this balance? Here are two simple but transformative practices:

1. Make space for your emotions. Let them come up without judgment. Name them, explore them, and ask what they might be trying to teach you. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or simply sitting in silence can help.

   
   

2. Practice gratitude as a tool, not a bypass. When you're ready, take a moment to acknowledge what you’re thankful for—even if it’s something small, like a warm cup of coffee or being able to get outside. Gratitude can coexist with difficult emotions, offering us a sense of grounding and perspective.

   
   

The beauty of this approach is that it’s not about choosing one over the other. Feeling your emotions and practicing gratitude can work hand in hand, creating a more purposeful life.

I’d love to hear how this resonates with you. Have you ever felt the tension between gratitude and honoring your emotions? Let me know in the comments or send me a message—I’d love to continue this conversation.